09
Sep
2008
The Onion Effect
Let’s visit the sayings “only skin deep” and “hitting a nerve”. Most of us have been in a situation where a conversation has “hit a nerve” causing us to react in a manner out of character. What is this “nerve” and why do we feel we need to protect it?
This is akin to the onion effect – an onion has many layers before reaching its core. Notice when we peel or cut an onion, the closer we get to the core; the more likely we are to cry? If we saw the “core” of an onion as our “nerve”, I can understand the need to protect the nerve by avoiding the root cause, whatever that might be, and may I say there is nothing wrong with this. My question is; what long term effect would there be if a core was hidden away from the onion? Did you know by placing an onion in the freezer can prevent tears when peeling the layers away? Maybe it is best to remain cold to all situations to avoid exposure to our core - what is commonly known as “skin deep”.
Have you experienced a situation when someone reacted extremely out of character and left you wondering what it was you did wrong? I’d like to introduce the 80:20 rule? When a person reacts - 80% is often related to “the onion effect” and 20% to what was actually done. An example is when someone states “she likes you more than me”. My question is - how can a person know who likes who more unless they are speaking about their own feelings. Maybe this is considered the 80%, or “the core” speaking via a voice, saying “I have no self esteem or confidence for people to like me.”
When recognising we all have our own “core” to understand and work with, brings a whole new meaning of judging others when they say or do things we find hard to understand. When someone chooses not to trust us; do we take this personally, or do we recognize this may go beyond us and accept their decision? If we do take this personally, maybe we need to look into our own “core” or maybe we can be bold enough to ask why?
So what is it that makes us react? Next time you blame, judge, or predict a situation not in your favour or even feel you have been wrongly accused in any way; question why you felt that way. Knowing the onion effect will provide you with the stepping stone into your “core” and may even give you the confidence or opportunity to seek what is stopping you from achieving whatever it is you really want.
Author: Jan Tinsley
www.secondsite.com.au
